I’m Sorry

I’m sorry if you’ve been hurt by people and now you’re mad at the church or at God.

I’m sorry that someone who said she was a Christian was unkind to you because of what you wore to church or because you smoked or had tattoos or because of your past or who your parents were or who you married.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that a Christian did something to you and now you don’t like Christians.

Unfortunately, we’re just flawed people trying to share the perfect message of God’s Good News.  Trying to pass it on to others like He told us to. We’re gonna screw up. It’s gonna go wrong and get messy.


Photo Credit: heartprintsofgod.com

But the other morning while I was studying Matthew Chapter 9, God gave me a message. First it was for me, and then I had to share it with you!

God desires compassion more than ritual (Matthew 9:13).


Photo Credit: picmonkey.com

This is how He wants His people to treat others.

But it goes both ways, in a sense.  Our ability to show compassion grows from a strong relationship with Him because God is compassionate.  We don’t know how to love others unless we have learned to love Him. We won’t know how to love Him unless we’ve built a relationship with Him in prayer and in reading His Word.

God wants a relationship with us rather than for us to be religious.  God wants us to have relationships with other people rather than being religious in front of them.  The latter will definitely drive them away from us and will probably drive them away from God. The former should draw them to us and, in turn, to God.

I imagine that’s what happened to you, and I’m sorry that you experienced someone who was more about religion than a relationship.

The MacArthur Study Bible commentary on Matthew 9:13 explains that religious people focus on “the outward, ritual, and ceremonial aspects of God’s law” but ignore the parts that were meant to show us how to live the way God would have us to live and the parts of the law that focus on our hearts.  When we focus on the ritual and ignore relationships, we become “harsh, judgemental, and self-righteously scornful of others.”

Does that remind you of an experience you’ve had with someone else?

Does it remind you of you?

When I read this commentary, I cried.  I knew this was me. God let me see how I am perceived through someone else’s eyes when I forget the compassion of God and only focus on the commands of God.

It is a blessing for our compassionate God to let us see ourselves through the eyes of others – even, or maybe especially, if what we see isn’t pretty.

So, I’m sorry if you’ve been hurt by people and now you’re mad at God.


Photo Credit: perpetualbliss.me

But, consider this: people screw up, even if they had good intentions at the beginning. Rather than turn your back on God because of the way someone represented Him to you, why not go find out about Him for yourself?

Talk to Him.

Ask Him to show you the truth about Himself and how He wants you to live.


Photo Credit: Pinterest

Read about Him in the Bible – start in the Gospels.  I’m reading Matthew right now, and like I said, 9:13 is what inspired this post.

Ask Him to send a Christian into your life who isn’t religious – someone who truly knows Him and is living for Him.

He’ll hear you.  He’ll answer you, and it’ll be beyond anything you could have imagined.

The Quiet Advent Calendar

The frenzy is already building.  Can you feel it?!  The frenzy that is the Christmas season – only 31 more shopping days to go!  Who’s left on my gift list?  What am I going to bake to take to my in-laws’ house on Christmas Eve?  I didn’t even start decorating yet!!!

Oh my goodness!  No wonder we rarely enjoy the season anymore.  It’s too crazy busy.

Let’s take back the holiday season this year.  Let’s focus on the real reason we celebrate – the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  Let’s prepare our hearts for the Advent season.

I’d like to invite you to “The Quiet Advent Calendar” from my friend, Julianne Gilchrist.  Join me in 24 days of delighting in this season of Advent.  I’m excited for this Advent Calendar because, as I’ve gotten to know Julianne over the past 6 months, I’ve discovered that she’s all about slowing down, breathing in, and just being with God.  Her concern is helping people learn to hear God’s voice above the hum-drum of life.  And I can see her desire for sacred space built into “The Quiet Advent Calendar.”

If you plan to join, let me know, and we can walk through it together.  Just click on “The Quiet Advent Calendar”, fill in your name and email address, click Send Me The Quiet Advent Calendar, and settle in and get ready.

I can’t wait to get started.

When God Says No But You Do It Anyway

“Even things of great value should be given up if they are leading a person to sin.”

        ~English Standard Version Study Bible

             Commentary on Matthew 5:29-30

Ouch!  That stings a little.

I might stubbornly hold on for a minute or two to (what I think of as) “real” sin when God convicts me.  These are things such as losing my temper with my children or watching TV shows or movies that don’t bring Him glory.  Then there are things that are easy for me to agree are outright sins – murder, abortion, adultery, worshiping another god…

But I don’t want to agree with Him, and I dig my heels in when He convicts me of something I don’t see as “real” sin.  When He begins to show me that I have to let go of something because it is distracting me from fulfilling His purpose for me.

You see, that is sin, too.  Anything that separates me from God is sin.  Anything that does not bring God glory is sin.  Anything I want more than I want Him is sin.

And that’s harder to swallow.

If something causes me to sin, I have to get rid of it.  If God says something has to go, it has to go. If He points me in a direction, and I refuse to go, I’m being disobedient.  And disobedience is sin.

I’ve known for several years that God said no to my photography business.  But taking pictures wasn’t a “real” sin. I wasn’t getting drunk or cheating on my husband…and I liked photography, and people seemed to like my work, so I pursued it anyway.

But, it’s funny what happens when you do something after God has said no.  It might become very difficult and you have to work way too hard; you might begin to hate it when it was something you really liked to begin with, or He might take it away from you altogether.

He will get your attention.  He will continue to convict you.  Just because you pulled a four-year-old and folded your arms, poked out your lips, stomped your foot, and acted like you didn’t hear Him doesn’t mean that He gives up.

He is God, and He said no.  If you move forward anyway, you do so at your own risk and in complete defiance of Him.

“But it’s just photography!”  You say. “It’s just something to do for fun.”

True, but I tried to push it beyond that.  I tried to act on my own outside of God’s sovereignty.  I tried to make it what I wanted it to be.

See, I thought I would be a photographer when Emery went back to school.  I had worked up a nice like side business while I was at home with my kids, and I thought I could build it up to the point that it would be my full-time job when it came time to go back to work. I thought I could present it to Bill when he said it was time to go back to work, and he’d let me do that instead.

Long story short, God said no.

It honestly took me several years to let it go.  I kept holding on to little bits and pieces of it.  I almost completely stopped doing weddings but kept doing regular sessions.  Then, I slowed way down on the regular sessions…but in the end, God made it clear.  The answer was still no.

Not – “you can do other stuff just not weddings.”

Not – “just do a few sessions a month to make extra money.”

Not – “you can keep working with past clients, just don’t take on new ones.”


Not at all.



Taking pictures wasn’t a sin.  Making money wasn’t a sin.

Continuing to do something God told me not to do was a sin.

I finally started to come to grips with the truth of this earlier this year when I attended a women’s retreat and the speakers’ messages centered around John 15:1-11.

Their focus overall was verse 11, but God got a-hold of me with verse 2:

“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit, He takes away, and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it, that is may bear more fruit.”

I was so arrested by that verse the first night of the retreat that I couldn’t leave my seat after the session was over.  The speaker taught on other verses from that section, but I was fixated on verse 2.

That night, I studied on my own – reading a commentary on the verse and praying and journaling about it.

The ESV commentary said, “ ‘He prunes’ gives a picture of painful but necessary removal of some interests and activities in order that the remaining branches may bear even more fruit.”

There it was, plainly written on the page.

God wasn’t just “being mean” or saying no just because he could.  Taking pictures wasn’t a sin. But it was an interest or activity that needed to go so I could bear more fruit – fruit I wouldn’t bear if my energy and attention was on photography.

The next day at the retreat, another of the speakers focused on verse 2.


I was riveted!

Her name was Lindsay deBuhr, and she used an extended description of grapevines, vineyards, and vine dressers to explain John 15:2.

Among many other eye-opening tidbits about how a vine dresser cares for the vines in his vineyard, Lindsay clarified that pruning was removing clusters of grapes or leaves or branches so the vine could give its energy to the best fruit.

To the untrained eye, the clusters of fruit the vine dresser removes might look perfectly healthy.  There might be nothing visibly wrong with the leaves or branches he cuts off the vine.

But the vine dresser knows. (The vine dresser in John 15 is an analogy for God, by the way 😉 )  He knows the difference between good fruit and the best fruit. He knows which leaves are blocking the sunlight from the best fruit.  He knows which branches are growing the wrong way.

And He removes them.  Then, the vine can focus on the best fruit.

“God removes all things in the believer’s life that would hinder fruit-bearing.”

                    ~Macarthur Study Bible Commentary on John 15:2

Pray this with me:

Father, you are the divine vine dresser.  You know the fruit the branches could bear, and you know how to get the branches to bear that fruit.  You tend, and you care, and you cultivate, and you prune.

All I can do is submit to the pruning.  I am the branch, and I am in the vine, your son, Jesus Christ.  I want to abide in Him, and I want to bear fruit. I stretch out my arms, and I lay down my life, and I give it to you.  Prune me, Lord. Take out all the stuff getting in the way. Take out all the stuff keeping me from you. Take out all the stuff draining my time.  Take out all the stuff that divides my interests. Cut it all out. It may be painful at times, but I’ll abide in the vine, and I’ll remember you are cutting out the sins, the hindrances, the drain…you’re doing this because you know what is best for me.

Most importantly, teach me to come to you first before I even bring this junk into my life in the first place. Teach me to let you make the decisions.  Teach me to seek you and to be obedient.






My Dog’s Trash Can Looting Helped Me Understand How God Responds to Sin

When Zoe, our miniature schnauzer, is bored, she goes into a bathroom and roots through the trash can.  Her favorite item to shred is the toilet paper someone used to blow their nose. She’ll also pull out napkins, chewed gum…basically whatever she thinks she can tear up.  We’ve learned to keep our bathroom doors closed since the bathroom trash cans are the ones she raids.


Zoe on her first birthday – June 2018

Just the other day, I saw a piece of shredded napkin on the floor and started to get upset but stopped to ask myself – why?  Why would she nose through smelly, nasty trash when she could chew on any of the dog toys lying around on the floor?


Does that look like the face of a dog that would do anything wrong?  Does it?

Why choose something trashy over something you were meant to have?

Then I realized God might ask himself this same question when His children choose sin over Him.

“My child,” He wonders, “why dig through the trash when I’ve set blessings in front of you?  Why work so hard to find something sinful to fill your time when you could sit quietly at my feet and be satisfied?”

I’ve noticed that Zoe is more likely to turn to trash can looting when no one is paying her any attention.  It’s like she can’t figure out what to do with herself, so she turns to the easiest thing: digging in garbage.


Her favorite place to be – my lap 🙂

Isn’t that when sin creeps in on us, too?  When we think no one is looking? When we’re idle?  Bored? It’s much quicker and easier to turn to something sinful than to turn to something good…and I don’t even mean something extreme like turning on the computer to look at pornography…although that could be the case.

I’m talking about those things we default to when there’s a moment of idleness – scrolling Facebook or Instagram and comparing your body, house, spouse, car, job, clothes, children to what you see on your feed; jumping on Amazon and ordering the Deal of the Day just because it’s 30% off and you have Prime so shipping is free even though you know that purchase will put you over the budget you and your spouse agreed on at the beginning of the month; turning on the TV to watch that show you find so entertaining but is filling your heart and mind with thoughts that don’t glorify God.

Look, I’m talking to myself here.  I’ve turned to all these things and plenty others when I didn’t want to take the time to think of something wholesome to do.  When I just wanted to chill out. When I needed an activity that required no real thought or effort…just for a moment.

I promise.  I’ve been there, and I’m not preaching to you or fussing at you.

But, that little moment is when sin creeps in.  The jealousy. The lust. The anger. The gluttony.  The laziness.

And sin is what keeps us from God.


Photo Credit: Pinterest

I don’t want sin to keep me away from God.  I want to be able to go to Him clean. So, I have to repent.  That means that I am more than just sorry that I got caught; I am remorseful to the point of turning – away from that sin, away from that lifestyle, away from that way of thinking, away from whatever stands between God and me.  I turn from that, and I look to God.

Repentance was one of the first messages Jesus taught when he began his public ministry.  Both Matthew’s and Mark’s gospels record Jesus as speaking about repentance right away. So it must be important.

That means I have to do it.

That means you have to do it.

Ask God to show your sin to you.  Ask Him to convict you. Then turn from that sin and go the other way…toward Him.


Everything I Needed to Know I Learned from my Grandma

“The best thing you can do to someone who is being mean to you is to be as nice as you can to them.” I distinctly remember sitting on a stool at the counter in my grandma’s kitchen one afternoon after school when she said this to me.

Seventh grade was my first real encounter with girls being mean just for spite – saying snide things about my clothes or my hair or something like that. Undoubtedly, she and I were talking about this, and her advice was to be as kind as I could in return.

That sounds crazy, right?! It definitely isn’t worldly advice. Worldly wisdom says to be mean back to those girls. The world’s advice is to get even when someone does you wrong. But, grandma was saying to be nice!

She said, “being nice in return is your best choice because it is the opposite of what the person expects. That person expects you to cry, but you don’t cry, at least you don’t cry in front of her. If you’re nice, she doesn’t get the reaction she was looking for. There’s no drama. And a lot of the time, that person will eventually move on. It’s a really good way to handle a bully. And,” she added, “it’s what the Bible says to do, too.”

At some point in the conversation, I’m pretty sure I remember the phrase “heaping burning coals on their head.”  Grandma said that was the part from the Bible… So, if the Bible and Grandma said it, it was good enough for 13-year-old me.

In my lifetime, I have come to find that Grandma was right. The best thing to do is to be kind to people even when they aren’t kind to you. She was also right when she said that most of the time, your response would make them leave you alone…eventually.

But where did Grandma get this? She told me it was biblical?

As an adult who is concerned with living a godly life, I’ve looked into this further and found that it is indeed advice from the Bible. King Solomon, in all his God-given wisdom, wrote about it in Proverbs, and Paul echoed it in his letter to the Romans.

Proverbs 25:21-22 says, “if your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head and the Lord will reward you. “


The English Standard Version Study Bible (ESV) explains these verses the best:

The image of the burning coals on your enemy’s head is “likely an image for leading him to repentance or shame, suggesting that he will feel inward burning pangs of guilt for his wrongdoing. In any case, the message is clearly to repay evil with good… The image of ‘burning coals’ does not imply something that harms the enemy because it further explains the bread and drink in Proverbs 25:21, which do him good, and also because Proverbs forbids taking personal vengeance… Finally, ‘the Lord will reward you’ implies a good result from ‘burning coals’ which is most consistent with leading a person to repentance.”

To understand how this works, jump ahead to Romans 12.  Verses 9-21 discuss Christian behavior and echo things many of us are used to hearing:

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them” (verse 14)

“Live in harmony with one another” (verse 16)

“Repay no one evil for evil but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all” (verse 17)

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peacefully with all” (verse 18)


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“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God” (verse 19)

Then, we get to verses 20 and 21:

“… if your enemy is hungry, feed him, if he’s thirsty, give him something to drink; for by doing so you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not overcome evil by evil, but overcome evil with good.”


Photo Credit: sermonquotes.com

“There are those burning coals again,” you might think. “Heather, are you sure this is what it means to be nice to someone who has wronged me? Sounds like you’re just being mean right back. “

Well, in Romans 12:20 (above), Paul quotes Proverbs 25:21-22, but, you have to go back to Romans 12:9, earlier in the same section, to get some context and to properly seat the instructions of Romans 12:20 in the right frame for the Christian. Verse 9 says, “let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil and hold fast to what is good.”


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That explains the whole thing.

Being nice to someone who is mean to you isn’t some weird way to get revenge.  The important thing to ask yourself is, “how do I feel about this person in my heart when I am nice to her in return?” Literally, what is the condition of your heart? What is your motive?

The point – and this is the hard part, this is where prayer comes in – is that your love for that person has to be genuine. Verses 9-21 of Romans 12 are, according to the ESV, a “description of the life that is pleasing to God.”  And the section starts off with love.

When we are genuinely kind to the person who wronged us, our motivation is love. We don’t heap coals to hurt that person; we heap coals to help that person.

When we repay evil with good, we do so in hopes that our behavior will soften the heart of the wrongdoer. Our purpose is always to point people back to God, to show people His love.

The strangeness she feels when you repay her evil with good should start something in her heart. It should cause her to stop and question: “How can she be nice to me after how I spoke to her?”

God can use that to change a person’s hearts; all He needs is a little soft spot to take hold of.

Above all, we are called to love, genuinely.

This takes a lot of prayer… Prayer for God to show us how to live. Prayer for God to change our hearts. Prayer for God to show us how to love people like He loves them.  Prayer for God to help us love the unlovable.

This is how we live the life of a believer the way that God wants us to live. And it’s what Grandma was talking about all those years ago that afternoon in her kitchen.



Grandma last year on her 90th birthday with Ethan and Emery.  We celebrated her 91st just a few weeks ago 🙂