Christian Mom – What are You Teaching Your Kids?

What do you want your children to remember about you after you’re gone?  What do you want them to learn to value from you? What’s the most important thing you could teach them?

HooksFam.jpg

The Hooks Family June 2017 – Image by Real Promises Photography

My children will likely learn that family is to be treasured.  We are very careful to spend time with both sides of our families: their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and first cousins as well as extended family – great grandmothers, great aunts and great uncles and other cousins.

Ethan and Emery already know a little bit about household finance as Bill has focused on that since we used Dave Ramsey’s debt snowball method to get out of debt.  Bill frequently plays Ramsey’s radio show podcasts in the car and at home.  Ethan even requests to hear them sometimes.  (I think it’s because Ramsey often says things like “dumb”, “idiot” and “stupid” – words we have asked our kids not to use.  I hear stifled snickering coming from the back seat when Dave explains to someone, quite emphatically, how stupid it was to go into debt to buy a new car).  The main thing is, though, that both kids are learning at a young age that it is essential to manage your money and that going into debt is a big no-no.

The kids also are learning that it is necessary to take care of our bodies – to remain physically active and to consider what we eat. Bill and I typically get up an hour early 3 days a week to do cardio workouts at home.  Sometimes the kids get up early too, and heckle us about how we’re doing the moves wrong or asking how come mommy is stopping (breathing heavily with my hands on my knees) when the people on the video are still going. We often have conversations about why they should eat less mac-n-cheese and french fries and more green beans and grilled chicken.

But, I have to ask myself, “Are these the most vital things my kids should learn from me?” Family, finances, and fitness are valid lessons. In fact, they are part of what it means to Christians to be stewards of our bodies and the resources God has given us.  They are significant pieces of the Christian walk. But, should they be our main focus?

Hooks kids.jpg

Family photo of me and the kiddos summer 2017

The answer is – NO.

If I follow Christ, and I do, the most important thing my children should learn from me is to trust God.

End of story.

I was reading a lesson in the Experiencing God bible study by Henry and Richard Blackaby and Claude King, and was reminded of this.  The authors write, “Our greatest contribution to God’s kingdom is teaching our children to watch to see where God is at work around them and then join Him.”

The thing is, God already has a purpose for them.  He did before Bill and I ever even decided we wanted to be parents.  {Hint – He has a purpose for everyone. Don’t believe me? Read Psalm 139: 13-16 and pay close attention to verse 16}

4dc962cc4bc6ad4b3a44d2f30820246c.jpg

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Yes – God already has a plan for each and every one of us including my kiddos.

The lesson in Experiencing God reminded me that, first, God’s purpose is that people become more like Christ.  I was reminded to pray with and for my children.

Ethan has already asked Jesus to be the Lord of his life, so one of my prayers for him is that God will show us how to disciple Ethan so that Ethan will learn to follow God’s call on his life.

As far as we know, Emery has not asked Jesus into her heart, so my prayer for her is that she will and that she will come to trust Him and follow His calling on her life as well.

I was also reminded to talk to my children about how God has already worked and continues to work in my life and in our family’s life.  (This should be just as much a part of our family’s story as are Dave Ramsey radio show podcasts and cardio workouts).

Incorporating this could be a little tricky for parents though.

Our first instinct as parents is to point our children back to ourselves: when they ask for advice on making a decision, when they face a difficult situation with peers, and so on.  I don’t think this is 100% wrong 100% of the time, but we have to be careful. Are we facing these issues in a Christ-like way or as the world would face them?

484e83a6d22f0eb9c44d06ddfb029fde.jpg

Photo Credit: Pinterest

For example, Ethan is already talking about what he wants to do after school, what his job might be.  When he talks to me about it, I try to encourage him to ask God. I have assured him that God has a plan for him and will tell him what to do if he will only ask.  Plus, I don’t want to inadvertently point him toward or away from something just because it is what I would prefer for him to do.

Henry Blackaby says to ask “God-centered questions.”  He explains: “Instead of ‘What would you like to be when you grow up?’  I would ask, ‘What do you sense God wants you to do?’…I wanted my kids to learn to put their trust in God, not in their parents.” (emphasis mine)

9ccb198cb41d9d29bf4ecd98ba0ca821.jpg

Photo Credit: Pinterest

This is ultimately what my husband and I want as well.  I pray that this is what you want for you family, too.

So, let’s follow the recommendations in Experiencing God: Pray with and for our children.  Talk to them about how God has and is working in our lives.  Worship and serve with them.

This is the greatest thing we can do for God’s kingdom.

How about you?  How did your parents point you to God and encourage you to seek Him and His purpose for you life?  How do you foster this in your own children?

If you do not have children of your own (or yours are adults), how can you encourage a pursuit of Christ in the lives of younger or less mature Christians around you?

f312d48c6a8ac640d1be74a20280a994.jpg

Photo Credit: Pinterest

“Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”Hebrews 10: 24-25, NIV

 

A #parentingfail – Part 4

This is the last in a series of 4 posts where I explore one of my parenting fails – my inability to control my temper when my kids push my buttons.  If you’re just joining us, please go back and read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. The following list is a continuation of the tips I shared in Part 3 – helpful parenting tips I’ve learned so far.

80df71758a63ebeccb0fcc18796c9ece.jpg

Photo Credit: Pinterest

  • Have structure – So much research supports the fact that children need structure (and even want it) by way of boundaries, rules, routines, and schedules.  You don’t have to be rigid, but it is good to set rules and expect that children behave accordingly.
90e31a8624063cb0f1f73e8b646d7780.jpg

Photo Credit: Pinterest

  • Delegate/Accept Help – Children love to help, especially when they are little.  They may make more of a mess than you’d like or not do something exactly the way you want, but bite your tongue, be patient, and accept the assistance when they want to give it.  Also, accept help from others – your mother-in-law, best friend, neighbor, husband – especially when you have tiny babies. Give others the blessing of being able to assist you.
12986955_10154109742214886_9102884160519149438_n.jpg

Emery helping me wash the dishes – she was about 3. 

  • Plan Ahead – Things go so much better when I have done as much as I can to prep ahead of time.  Have the kids make school lunches and pack book bags the night before. Lay out clothes the night before.  Plan an entire week of dinners the weekend before. Many of the screaming fits I have thrown have been in the morning before school when someone couldn’t find his homework or her shoes because those things weren’t put where they should have been ahead of time.
  • Respect Your Children’s Father – I realize this is controversial, but it simply has to do with how God wired us as male and female.  Our children need to see that their mom respects their dad. I imagine this can be difficult if there is a separation or divorce.  However, some of the most amicable separations/divorces I have seen have been between people who are still nice and respectful toward each other.
bbea434625d0240eb231cec474987751.jpg

Photo Credit: Pinterest

  • If It Isn’t Working, Change It – Some of this advice may not apply or may not work based on your family culture.  These aren’t written in blood. The best you can do is try them and then tweak them to fit best with the dynamics of your family.
  • Get to Know Your Kids – (a little long.  Bear with me…I promise I will make a relevant point).  In Henry Blackaby’s Experiencing God study, the author says, “In every situation God demands that you depend on Him rather than a method. The key is not a method but a relationship with God.“ He goes on to say, “ A formula is not the way to recognize God‘s voice either… If there was a formula… You would not have to seek God with all your heart. You could mindlessly use the formula and neglect your relationship with God.“ I think this applies to our children, (or anyone else in our lives for that matter). If there was a formula for interacting well with our kids, we would not have to seek genuine relationships with them; we wouldn’t have to spend time getting to know them. We could just rely on the formula – those five tips from that parenting article or that list of advice from that veteran mom. This isn’t to say that these things aren’t valuable or some methods aren’t worth your time; however, we shouldn’t completely rely on them. Get to know who your children are by spending time with them. For example, I learned early on that Ethan was an outdoor kid. He likes watching TV, but he LOVES being outside – digging in the dirt and rocks, exploring the woods, hunting for lizards and frogs, running in the yard having a Nerf gun war… That led me to notice that he and I also interact better when we are outside. Coop us up in the house all day, and tempers are likely to flare. Put us in the backyard, and we can jump on the trampoline, pull weeds and smell gardenia blossoms all day! I know this because I have spent time with him – watching him, talking to him, noticing what he likes to do, and so on. Now if we could just spend all our time outside, we’d be best buds!  But, this is honestly one of the hardest things for me. It takes energy that I would rather not expend. It takes listening to and talking about and doing some things that don’t interest me (hello, Nerf gun wars?!). It takes time away from the things I want to do. It takes creativity and imagination. But I have to do it, and you have to do it, as often as we possibly can. This is building the relationship, and this is what our children need most (and it will do us a world of good as well).
9a9a3ed4c5aa3d959f4418d38c173764.jpg

Photo Credit: Pinterest

My son isn’t a bad kid.  More than likely, neither is your kid.  Our kids are just being kids at their stage of development doing what kids do at that stage.  As parents, we have to learn how to work through that as best we can and get out on the other side with our sanity and our relationships with our children in tact.

Above all else, we have to fight every day to choose joy in parenthood, or Satan will steal it.  He’ll lull us into a cycle where we focus on all the things our children are doing wrong and miss all the wonderful things about them.  That’s how he steals the joy in families, especially from mothers.

9a9a3ed4c5aa3d959f4418d38c173764.jpg

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Oh man!  That opens up so much more to talk about when it comes to our children, and more I should tell you about my struggle with my mommy-temper, but I should probably move on for now.  I imagine there’ll be more opportunity for me to revisit this subject soon enough.

What situations are most difficult for you when it comes to your children’s behavior?  What makes you “lose it”? What tips and advice have you found to work when you’re in tough interactions with your children?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Next week is a first on the Servant Girl Stories blog – we’ll have a guest post!  You’ll meet Leigh Anderson, founder of Be Still Mama, a women’s ministry at First Baptist Church of Indian Trail.  Join me next week for her post about what happens when we have a critical spirit.