Quarantine and virtual learning

How to Survive Remote Learning

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How are you and your family holding up? Has your job resumed? Is everyone back to school on a regular schedule? Do you have children at home remote-learning for at least part of the week?

Many families in my immediate area are involved in remote-learning to some extent. My children go to school 2 days a week for in-person learning and then work from home the other 3 days, so figuring out how to make it through a day with as much school work done and as few tears as possible is at the top of my to-do list Monday through Friday.

Christian Responsibility and Mosaic Law | The Village Church

Notice Zoe – on her back getting a tummy rub (left side of the image) – helping with the stress of remote learning 🙂

I won’t say we’re doing a stellar job in the Hooks house…we’ve had our share of meltdowns and tears (from the kids AND from me). But we’re learning and adapting. We seem to have more good days than bad days after 6 weeks of this. It doesn’t seem to take as long for the kids to complete their work as it did when school started in August. There is less hand-holding on my part. All those are victories in my book.

Along the way, I’ve attempted to figure out how to navigate learning during a pandemic, how to do it better. I want to survive this experience relatively unscathed AND with my relationship with my family intact.

I want that for you as well.

So, I want to share what I’ve learned through trial-and-error during the first 6 weeks of remote learning. Maybe something we’ve discovered will help you and your family.

Tips for Surviving Remote Learning

*Start your day in prayer. Fill up with God so you have something to give. Enjoy some quiet and stillness before the chaos starts. (Here are some free devotional Bible studies to start you off).

*Do what you need to do for yourself before the kids wake up. Drink your coffee. Watch your morning news show. Read some chapters in your book. Wash your face. Shower and shave your legs…give yourself whatever “me-time” you need to start the day.

*Get your workout done early. Do something physical before sitting down with the kids. (Pro Tip – it’s good for the kids to get some exercise in before they start their day as well. There’s something about getting the heart and lungs going with some physical activity that helps them calm down and focus later on).

**Getting these 3 done for yourself before your children hit the ground running may mean you have to get up earlier, so be kind to yourself and go to bed earlier, too.

*Eat breakfast. Protein will keep you full longer. Eat well throughout the day as well.

*Start the school day as early as you can – soon after breakfast, exercise, brushing teeth, making beds, putting on clothes (if you try to keep a morning routine like that).

*Create a checklist of assignments/schoolwork to do each day. Kids mark off their own work when they’re done.

*Consider the order of classes and work – does it work best for your child to get the hardest or least-favorite subject out of the way first thing in the morning? What is the subject that tends to bog them down if they wait until later in the day to do it?

*Stop work for physical activity throughout the day for yourself and your children. Take a quick walk or bike ride after lunch. Find a quick yoga, stretching routine, or movement video on YouTube that is kid-friendly. (My daughter likes Melting-Flow and some of the silly Moose-Tube videos from GoNoodle).

*Do a small-to moderate-amount of work (depends on their ages as well as the schedule set by their teachers), then take a short, 10 minute break. Go outside. Jump on the trampoline. Get the mail. Throw the ball for the dog. Climb a tree.

*Leave the easiest or favorite subject’s work for after lunch/in the afternoon/last when their energy and focus are low.

**The biggest thing to remember is that this is trial-and-error. Reevaluate everyday with input from your kids. What worked? What bogged you down? Where did you get frustrated? Did you like doing the hardest assignment/class first?

Change what didn’t work. I’ve heard people say that the definition for crazy is doing something the same way over and over and expecting different results, and that’s true. It’s something to keep in mind when trying to figure out how to help your children learn from home. If you end every day angry or frustrated, look back at the day and try to figure out what caused the mood to go that way. Then try different strategies to change the outcome. Don’t keep doing things the same way and expect the day to go differently.

Encourage your children. Praise them when they do well. Help them when they need it. Enjoy brainstorming with them about an assignment. Use Khan Academy or other online tutorials for help with math. (Follow the link or just search YouTube for videos about the math concept that’s giving your kid grief and watch the ones from Khan Academy).

Know your kids. Are they better earlier in the day? Do they get “hangry” easily? Do they need “heavy work” on their breaks? Do they need quiet to stay focused and work efficiently? Does a schedule or outline of the day help? Do they prefer you to be nearby while they’re working or do they work well on their own? Is it comforting to their brain to have the dog sit in their lap so they can pet him while they work? Does it help their concentration to sit on the back porch and hear the birds and the breeze?

Try different things. Throw it out if it doesn’t work. Be flexible and adaptable. Monitor their progress and take breaks when they start to lose it. Have a quick snack or a walk around the yard.

They can do it.

You can help.

We can get through this.

Image Credit: NYPost.com

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What If There Might be a Way to Feel Less Afraid During This Time of Pandemic and Social Unrest,

What to do if You’re Tired of Living Like This

The Important Things I Miss

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“Why did you put quotation marks around all your sentences?” I asked Emery.

She and I were editing the misspelled words in a story she’d written for school when I realized that every sentence had direct quotation marks around it.

Every.single.sentence.

Whether it contained actual dialogue or not. (And there was no actual dialogue in the story).

“My teacher told me to put them around sentences when someone talks,” she told me. “I talked. I told the whole story.”

(Clearly she doesn’t understand the difference between actual character dialogue and narration).

I was already agitated because of some other run-ins I had with her and her brother earlier in the day while trying to help them do their school work. I saw this as yet another task to accomplish that was standing between me and the end of the day.

So, I furiously erased all the quotation marks and moved on to do something else.

Emery (and Zoe) doing virtual school work.

That moment came back to me a few days later because I was rereading something I wrote in my Bible study notes, and I stopped to make my direct quotation marks look better – they looked like tiny, weird curves suspended above the line on the page.

As I fixed my own punctuation, my memory flashed back to the quotation marks Emery used in her story – the ones I erased with almost enough force to rub holes in the page.

Her marks were PERFECT.

She took great care in making them all. The round part at the top (or bottom depending if they’re open- or close-quotation marks) and the curved tail coming off were perfection. I could tell she put a great deal of effort into making each one with her pencil.

Emery’s perfect direct quotation marks. Obviously, I did not erase them as completely as I thought I had 🙂 But seriously, notice the open-quotation marks and the close-quotation marks look exactly like they’re supposed to look.

But, I didn’t compliment her on them. I didn’t even notice how careful she’d been about forming them correctly when I was in that moment. I was too busy violently erasing them and brushing pink eraser scraps off the paper to fully take in how meticulously she’d made the marks.

Isn’t that what emotion does? Distracts us with irrelevant details and makes us miss what really matters…

I missed a chance to applaud her attention to detail – to point out something she’d done well. I didn’t exactly fuss at her about them, but I was clear about my frustration with having to erase all of them.

Who wouldn’t benefit from a pat on the back?

Who doesn’t need a little extra encouragement, especially during this time of separation and alienation?

We could all use some positivity right now.

I pray I don’t miss that moment the next time around.

“Keep me in the moment; I don’t wanna miss what you have for me.” – Jeremy Camp https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFuvAXzBt1E

Why We Should Let Our Children Fail {Sometimes}

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I’m that parent. I don’t protect my children from every hardship. Struggling builds character. (Sounds like something my parents probably told me when I was younger. I imagine it infuriated me at the time time, but now I realize they were right…like they were about most of the stuff they told me).

Working through hardships helps children learn life skills such as endurance, perseverance (or stick-to-it-iveness as we call it where I’m from), stamina, and self-regulation. They learn about themselves: their strengths and weaknesses, what they can handle on their own, and when they need to ask for help.

These are all good things kids need to learn through the experience of living life as they figure out something hard or work through a challenge.

Of course, parents should support and encourage, but we don’t need to jump in and fix it or rescue them every time they hit a difficult place.

We can model how to work through the difficulty. We can support and encourage them with our words. We can help them talk through mistakes to figure out where they went wrong. We can assist them in developing strategies or alternatives for avoiding the same mistake in the future.

Ethan doing his schoolwork virtually. He’s sitting on the floor on top of the pillow from Zoe’s kennel and an almost-flat beanbag. He’s trying to type with his Chromebook in his lap. But, whatever works, right? I guess sitting at the table was getting boring.

Here’s a conversation I had with Ethan yesterday:

Me – Well, that assignment took 2 hours. What happened?

E – I had to watch the video over a couple of times.

Me – Why?

E – I watched the video, but I didn’t know what the teacher wanted me to do afterwards. When I went read the assignment and what questions I was supposed to answer, I didn’t know any of the answers from the video, so I had to watch it again.

Me – What could you do differently next time so it doesn’t take that long?

E – Read the whole assignment first, write down the questions I need to answer from the video, take notes while I watch the video?

This is something his dad and I and his teachers have told him about doing assignments where you have to watch videos and answer questions with information from the videos. Many times when he does an assignment like that he doesn’t follow the advice he’s been given, so an assignment that could probably be completed in under an hour consumes more time than it should.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not awesome at this “natural consequences parenting”. Sometimes I panic when I foresee the outcome of one of their decisions. Occasionally, I feel bad when they struggle with a task. I want to offer a bail-out from time to time.

Especially when it comes to this virtual-learning-during-a-pandemic stuff. Recently, I have described our journey in virtual learning as “excruciating,” and I have begged for anybody and everybody to help me alleviate this pain. (Facebook friends may remember my desperate plea just last week when I was looking for suggestions for ways to help him stay focused while he does his school work virtually from home). In particular, virtual learning is a learning experience for me, too, but we keep at it every day.

What I do know is that I can’t rescue either of my kids from all their messes for their entire lives, so I probably shouldn’t get them used to it. Yes, they will need help negotiating lots of situations. Some will require a bail-out from mama or daddy. Other times, it might be best to let them stumble and maybe even fall on their faces (with me within arms reach of course – just in case) so they can figure out how to get themselves up again. Failure can be good for a person 😉

PS. After I wrote this today, I discovered that Ethan had gone through yet another video-watching assignment without following the advice for completing the assignment that I know that he knows (see our conversation above). When I asked him why it took him so long to do the assignment, he grinned at me…

When I Sin and Blame it on My Kids

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Ethan’s upstairs doing school work on the desktop. Calling me because he needs help. Emery’s downstairs doing school work on the laptop. Calling me because she needs help. I’m in the dining room reading scripture for this week’s Bible study lesson.

I advise them to work as far as they can on their own or try to figure it out and keep going.  I promise I’ll help in a little while.  

But I keep working.  I want to get done with this lesson.  I want to move on to the next thing on my check list – laundry, dinner prep, vacuuming…heck, I may even get to take a shower today!  

But they keep calling me.  I go upstairs to help Ethan.  I go back downstairs to help Emery.

Repeat all day, 4 days a week since their school began assigning new virtual learning after spring break.  

The tipping point comes.  

{Wasn’t it inevitable?}  

I lose my temper.  I raise my voice.  I go on a rant.  My heartbeat accelerates.  I feel my face getting hot.  I knit my brow together and glare at whoever is unlucky enough to be closest to me at the time…

Then, God reminds me that my quiet time with Him is supposed to be earlier in the day…before the kids get up and start their day and need me to be their mommy.  

We’ve already settled this, He whispers.  

Image Credit: https://www.bible.com/bible/72/1ki.19.12.hcsb

And I know He’s right.  We settled this.  I submitted to His will: Give God my time early in the morning, and the daytime when my family is at home belongs to them.

But, I’ve gotten slack.  I’ve been lazy.  I wanted to sleep in.  I can do my Bible study while they’re doing school work, I rationalized.  I’ll have free time when they have screen time.

Then, God called me out, and I realized – How dare I get angry with my children for needing and wanting my attention when I’m trying to do my Bible study that I should have gotten up early and done while the house was calm and quiet and no one needed me.

I’m actually being selfish when I ignore my children under the guise of studying the Bible.  Should I even go so far as to say I’m being sinful?

Daytime, when they are awake and home with me, is their time.  They deserve my attention and affection during that time.  After all, I wanted to be a mom.  Taking on this responsibility was my choice.  Giving them attention and affection when they need it is part of that responsibility.

Quiet time, when I fill up with the fullness of God, is in the early morning.  Darkness outside.  Silent house.  Just me at the table with my Bible and my journal.

So, where’s the balance? After all, I’m always preaching about how important it is to find balance.

Honestly, they don’t need or deserve every bit of my undivided attention or direction.  That wouldn’t be good parenting either.

They need their own time – to learn to occupy themselves, to be bored and learn what to do about it…

And of course there’s housework for…

My point?

When I neglect my quiet time with Jesus, when I refuse the time he has already appointed for me and convicted me of…

AND I try to force it into the time and space where I am supposed to be mommy…

I am at fault.

This is my sin, not my children’s.

Image Credit: https://timewarpwife.com/

On a practical note, this will look different for you depending on your situation:

  • Moms who work full time outside the home
  • Moms of infants
  • Moms who work full time at home
  • Moms of older kids or teenagers
  • Single moms
  • Moms who are caregivers (or an elderly parent or sick partner or child, etc)
  • Moms who stay at home with small children
  • Moms who home-school

The list of different situations you can find yourself in as a mom are infinite.  But, I don’t think this changes the issue.  It is our responsibility to give them the attention and affection they are supposed to have from us as their mothers.

Image Credit: http://lemonadelaughter.blogspot.com/2012/01/what-are-you-craving.html