Month: July 2023

Remember God’s Goodness

/ hhooks / 4 Comments

There is no doubt that the past year has been one of the hardest and darkest in my life. Through prayer, Bible study, and journaling, I’ve uncovered some of the sources for my struggles: allowing Satan too much real estate in my mind and losing focus on God.

{But I may also be having some hormonal changes because of my age and the time I am in right now in life. That’s probably a whole other blog post on its own though…}

What is comes down to it, I forgot how much God loves me. I ignored the things He has done for me in the past.

They say “count your blessings” to help us remember to focus on what we have rather than fixating on what we don’t have. Because, if we fixate on what we aren’t, on the things we don’t have or can’t do, the enemy has fertile ground to plant seeds of distraction, discontentment, bitterness, jealousy…

I’m there – staring that dead in the face.

This summer, in an effort to renew my relationship with the Lord, I picked up where I left off in Psalms a while back and began reading a psalm a day.

{If you haven’t done this, I highly recommend it. The psalms are such a blessing. They allow us to see how God’s faithful children praise Him but also how the faithful ask for help and how the faithful confess fear and doubt. They allow us to see how the faithful admit when they can’t see what God is doing. When they need God. When they fail}.

The psalms I’ve read recently have helped me refocus on God’s trustworthiness.

For example, Psalm 91 reminded me that God is faithful. I can have confidence that He is with me. Protecting me. He has good things for me.

I’ve been fixating on the fact that I don’t have a job yet. I’ve been looking since February, and I’m discouraged. I’m sad, anxious, worried, and overwhelmed. All these feelings distracted me, and I completely took my eyes off of God’s goodness which He has shown me time and again.

When I read Psalm 91, God reminded me of a young married couple who was searching for their first home. (That would be my husband and me way back in 2007).

We were ready to move out of our apartment, so we got with a real estate agent and started looking at houses.

I don’t remember how long it took, but we must have looked at 50+ houses. I’m not exaggerating. I’m sure our agent was tired of us.

I specifically remember coming back to our apartment after a particularly unfruitful afternoon looking at a handful of houses and being overwhelmed with frustration because we didn’t see anything we liked.

I stood in the middle of the teeny living room in our tiny apartment and whined, “Why.doesn’t.God.want.me.to.have.a.house!” I may have even stomped my foot. I’m also pretty sure I cried about it.

{Crazy that I blamed God when I wasn’t even walking with Him at the time. }

What struck me recently when I read Psalm 91 is how wonderful our first house was once we found it. It wasn’t our first choice. It wasn’t our dream home. It wasn’t up-to-date or turn-key. We did a TON of work to it in the 7 years we lived there. But we loved.that.house and made beautiful memories there.

For one thing, the neighborhood itself was perfect. I enjoyed walking in it when my babies were in strollers and later when they were toddling or riding their tricycles.

One of our next-door-neighbors was a former pastor from Olivet, the first pastor I remember from when I was a little girl. It was cool to see him and his wife again.

Today, in 2023, nearly 16 years after we bought our first house, I have enough critical distance to see that it was God’s plan for us to be in that house during that time. When I stood in our apartment that day in 2007 and whined about God not “wanting” me to have a house, I couldn’t see it. But 16 years and two houses later, I can see God’s providence in our lives. Remembering that experience confirms for me that I can trust God with whatever issues I have going on now.

My point is this: I need to wait patiently and trust God because His plans for me are good. He will prosper me and not forsake me. He’s shown me His faithfulness on more occasions than I deserve. I may not find my “dream job” yet, but everything will work out for the best anyway. I have no doubt that I’ll be right where God meant for me to be in the end.

Psalm 91:2 “…my God, in whom I trust…”

Patiently wait and trust God.

His plans are good.

When I am Struggling with Self-Doubt

/ hhooks / 3 Comments

“Why did you make me this way?”

I’d caught myself asking God similar questions before, but my bouts with these thoughts were coming more and more frequently.

“Why am I not friendly, like her?”

“Why don’t I feel like I belong here?”

“Why didn’t you make me more outgoing?”

“Why didn’t you make me this way or that way?”

When I stopped to think about it, the negative self-talk had been intensifying for over a year.  Those thoughts were popping up in my head more often and were starting to take over.  Sometimes, it seemed like all I could think.

One day, when I was particularly down on myself, running through the list of things I didn’t like about myself or things I couldn’t do and asking God why He hadn’t made me more this way or that way, He spoke into my spirit:

“If you’re always focused on what you aren’t, you’ll never see the things I DID create you to do, the abilities and strengths I DID give you.”

The thought quieted me.

Anytime I truly feel God speak into my spirit, the experience stills me, and it also convicts me.

He is right, of course. 

When I focus on the negative, I won’t see the positive.

I won’t be able to see who God made me to be if I fixate on what I don’t like about myself. 

Today, about a year or so after that encounter, I’d like to say the negative self-talk is gone, but it isn’t.

I continue to battle it. 

However, since that encounter, God has shown me that those thoughts are encouraged by the enemy of my soul, Satan.  My enemy wants to distract me and bog me down in the mire of self-pity, self-doubt, self-criticism…

If Satan can do that, he can distract me from glorifying God with my life.

When I catch those thoughts hurtling into my mind, I try to change the question.  Instead, I’ll ask: “God, will you show me what you created me to do?”

“Father, would you help me show someone your love today?”

I don’t always catch myself.  Sometimes I’m in the pit before I realize it, and the sludge is smothering me.

But, sometimes, I remember that those thoughts are not from my loving heavenly Father.  He does not seek to tear me down like that.  So, I turn my thoughts to Him.

Recently, I discovered Psalm 77, and it has helped me when the weight of my self-doubt or other pain creeps over me. I believe it will help you, too.

The pslam begins, “I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me.  In the day of my trouble, I see the Lord; in the night, my hand stretches out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted.”  Psalm 77:1-2 (ESV)

I understand the trouble and weariness the psalmist is talking about.

Has your soul ever refused to be comforted?

The psalmist continues, asking, “Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable?  Has his steadfast love forever ceased?  Are his promises at an end for all time?  Has God forgotten to be gracious?  Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Psalm 77:7-9 (ESV)

When I’m in the pit, weighed down by self-doubt and negativity, it’s easy to think God has forgotten me, doesn’t see me, doesn’t know where I am, doesn’t care.  It’s easy to think I’ll stay there.

Thankfully, there’s verse 10.  It’s the turning point, the part that gives me strength to shut out the voice of the enemy and choose to look at my Father instead.  When I get to that verse, I feel a smile at the corners of my mouth.  My heart warms.  My body relaxes.

“Then I said, I will appeal to this, to the years of the Most High.  I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.  I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.  Your way, O God, is holy.  What God is great like our God?  You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples.”  Psalm 77:10-13 (ESV)

My prayer for you is that, as you read this part of the Psalm, you’ll also feel the peace of God that passes all understanding, that He’ll turn your mourning to dancing as you praise His good works.

When I focus on Him and things He has already done, all the other junk disappears, and I simply worship Him.

Will you worship Him today? Will you praise His name for what He has done?

That will make all the difference.