Fixing Me Was God’s Job (Repost)

September 14, 2018September 14, 2018 / hhooks / 1 Comment

Author’s Note: Ethan and Emery are in school, and i am on week 2 of my new job (will blog about that soon since I addressed it in an earlier post). So, I am taking a short break from writing new posts this month so I can focus on time with the kids and getting used to the new job. In the meantime, I am reposting pieces of my testimony that were published when I started the blog in October 2017).

God can use any time, place, or circumstance He wants to use to get through to you. He can speak to you in the most unlikely of places and in the craziest of ways.

When I was 31, after spending more than 10 years ignoring God’s voice (and at times even denying that Jesus existed), I actually obeyed God’s calling and left my full-time job to be a work-from-home-mom and be with my then-16-month-old son.

To date, it it probably the craziest thing I have ever done. Most of the things God asks us to do seem crazy at the time; that’s why those things are known as a “leap of faith.” They aren’t things we could accomplish in our own power or with our own knowledge, skills, or money.

And that’s where I was in May 2010: being obedient to Jesus when I still wasn’t even sure I believed in Him! I didn’t have trouble believing in a Creator God overall, but I had lost Jesus – the man who walked and talked and healed and taught and died and lived again.

So, what God did was to remove me from the busyness of the life I had created with a job and a mortgage and a husband and a child and a pet, and He sat me down at the family-heirloom dining table in our house and confronted me with myself.

Now, I’m not trying to say that staying home with your baby isn’t busy, but it was a lot less so for me than when I worked full-time outside the home. I still worked part-time from home and cared for our home and our son, but God had cleared my schedule quite a bit.

Life was quieter now. Life was slower now. I had time to think. (Funny, “thinking” was what got me into the mess I was in in the first place, but thinking was also what God used to get me out). I finally acknowledged that I needed help with my mind and my thoughts about God and Jesus.

At first, I tried to fix myself.

I remember reading a book or two I thought would help me believe in Jesus again. At this point, I really wanted to believe in Him but couldn’t fathom ever being able to again.

I did pray sometimes and ask God to help me.

I was so used to scholarly-type study from 6 years of higher education that I thought maybe I could study my way back to believing in Jesus.

So, I got a Bible commentary to read what scholars said about the Bible hoping that some smart person’s “proof” would sway me. I read the book of James because I heard someone say it was a good idea for new Christians to start with that book when reading the Bible.

God led me to meet some Christian moms from our church and start going to MOPS – Mothers of PreSchoolers – at our church with them in the fall of 2011.

I began to feel God more. It was slow, but it was there. I knew my worldview was made-up, but I still didn’t want to submit it to God.

I was working hard to fix myself before I went back to the Lord. I thought He wanted me fixed before He would take me back. {Spoiler alert} That’s where I was wrong.

Fixing me was God’s job. Fixing YOU is God’s job.

He doesn’t require us to come to Him already perfect. {Hint} If you wait until you’re perfect before you go to God, you’ll never go to Him. If God waited to save us until we were perfect, He’d never have anyone to save!

The Time God Told Me to Leave My Full-Time Job (Repost)

September 7, 2018February 18, 2021 / hhooks / 10 Comments

Author’s Note: Ethan and Emery are in school, and this has been my first week at my new job (will blog about that soon since I addressed it in an earlier post). So, I am taking a short break from writing new posts this month so I can focus on time with the kids and getting used to the new job. In the meantime, I am reposting pieces of my testimony that were published when I started the blog in October 2017).

“The most miserable person in the world is a Christian who isn’t living for God.”

Those words, spoken by the teacher subbing for our regular life group teacher, were the words God used to start an awakening in my soul. They moved me. They disturbed me. They were FOR me!

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Bill and I had been attending First Baptist Church of Indian Trail for a year or two at this point. I had started singing in the choir. I was still going to life group, and I had started going to Bible studies led by our life group teacher’s wife. I had even gone to my life group teacher and his wife a time or two to talk about this worldview I had created.

I was still actively fighting against God’s convictions though. Four years passed, and I put up a valiant fight against His whispers and tugs. He’s persistent though, so He kept chiseling.

Photo Credits: Pinterest

Then, in early 2009, our son, Ethan, was born. I went back to work after 8 weeks because that’s what you’re “supposed to do,” but by the fall of 2009, I started having the strangest notion: I wanted to be at home with my baby.

That was TOTALLY foreign to me. It had never occurred to me to stay home with my child. Honestly, I always thought people who did that were…well, crazy, quite frankly. Why in the world would anyone want to be at home all day with a whiny, screaming, snotty-nosed kid?!

Even so, God had been placing me into different situations and was using various things to soften my heart and convict me in that direction since our son was born.

I was scared! This was crazy! What would my poor parents think after helping pay for me to earn a Bachelor’s and a Master’s degree? What would my poor husband think? We’d bought a house two years prior to our son’s birth and just bought a new car since Ethan was born. I was crazy confused.

Then, I started to realize that this must be something God was calling me to do. I had no idea if that was true or not though because I had no idea what it was like to have God tell me to do something.

I had to figure it out, so I started asking people – trusted women I had met at church. One of the women I talked to was the wife of our current Sunday school teacher (we’d gotten a new teacher in the past 4 years). I explained what I was feeling and that I was starting to think this was something God was telling me to do.

“How do I know the difference between something God is directing me to do and something that’s just my own idea?” I asked her.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

She explained that, first and most importantly, God would never tell anyone to do something that wasn’t biblical. If what you think God is telling you to do goes against something written in His Word, then it isn’t God telling you to do it.

This trusted lady also told me that, if this thing is actually a conviction from God, it won’t go away. God will gently but consistently keep convicting you of what He wants you to do. Sometimes, when we think up things on our own, they come and go easily, especially if it takes a while to achieve it or we meet lots of opposition while trying to do it. However, a conviction from God doesn’t just shrink away at the first sign of difficulty. He won’t let it. I’ve heard it said that God is a gentleman. He won’t ever force Himself on us, but He will continue to woo us and encourage us in the direction He wants us to go until we choose to go that way on our own.

Finally, my confidante asked me if I felt peace about this – leaving my job and staying at home with my child. I remember a smile quickly spreading across my face as I confidently told her that I did feel peace!

Photo Credit: Pinterest

It was insane! I had been afraid of it at first, but the more I thought about it and all the details that led me to believe it was God prodding me in that direction, I had indeed experienced a peace and calmness. Our life group teacher’s wife told me that peace was one of the best ways to judge whether God is telling you to do something or not. If you feel conflicted, it probably isn’t from God. If you feel peace, it is most likely from God.

I felt TOTAL peace about this. I was confident that this was a “God-thing,” as people say. It just wasn’t anything I would have cooked up on my own! But, as I was learning how to hear God’s voice, I began to trust that this was in fact what He had in mind for me.

Bill, on the other hand, was definitely NOT at peace with this crazy idea. (That is a blog post all its own that I’ll share another time). So, we prayed about it a great deal over weeks and months it seemed. Finally, he just shook his head. “The numbers don’t add up,” he said, referring to the many times he’d calculated our bills versus his salary to find out that his salary alone wouldn’t cover what we’d need to pay out each month.

“But,” he went on, “if you’re saying God is telling you to do this, I can’t go against it. We have to do it. We’ll just have to trust that He’ll take care of us.”

In May 2010, I worked my last full-time semester at the community college where I had been teaching for 6 years.

I couldn’t have known, but this was another crucial turning point in my journey back to God. It was the first time in my life since I accepted Christ as a 12-year-old, that I stepped out in faith and completely submitted to His will. (I was 31 when I left my full-time job.)

I experienced God’s provision during this time in my life, and that was a big deal for me. Obviously, there were plenty of other times in my life that He provided, but I never acknowledged that it was Him until He told me to leave my job and go home…and I did it…and He provided for us.

The Most Miserable Person in the World (Repost)

August 31, 2018August 27, 2018 / hhooks / 1 Comment

What’s the worst mistake you’ve ever made? No, I don’t mean that time in middle school when you tried to cut your own bangs and ended up with about an inch and a half of hair in the front that stuck out from your forehead when you tried to curl it and spray it into submission.

Looks kinda cute on her but was horrific on me, and I did it more than once! Photo Credit: Pinterest

I mean that big, life changing (or at least life diverting) mistake that took years, maybe even decades to recover from. I have a few like that, but one of the most costly mistakes for me was the time I spent trying to act like Jesus wasn’t real and wasn’t sovereign over my life.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

That all started back in 1997 when I was a freshman at UNCW. Fast forward to 2004, and I’m married and looking for a new church in a new town with my new husband.

Yes. You read that right. I was still ignoring Jesus but looking for a place to go to church. I was newly married and knew that, like my parents, my husband expected a girl that was going to church. And, I wanted young, married couple-friends to hang out with, so we visited churches in our area. I was raised in the Methodist church and Bill was raised in the Baptist church, so we went to both. Sometimes friends invited us to their churches and sometimes we went to churches we’d seen in the area around our apartment.

We finally visited First Baptist Church of Indian Trail (FBCIT) around 2005 because Bill’s mema had seen a service from this church on TV and suggest that we try it out.

Mema had mentioned this church to us several times after we moved to the area. I was against it though. It was a Baptist church for one thing, and it was huge! It took 3 services to accommodate people on Sunday morning, for crying out loud! But, it was around 5 minutes from our apartment, so we finally went.

The Wednesday after our visit, as was the church’s practice, they sent people to visit us and invite us to come back. We went back the second Sunday and asked to be placed into a Life Group (that’s a Sunday school class for those of you old-schoolers like me). That day, we were taken to a class that hadn’t been together very long but was for newly married couples like us. We met the teacher and his wife and 3 or 4 other couples. After service, they were all going to lunch and invited us. We went, and that was it. FBCIT became our church.

I don’t remember a ton from those early years except the life group. It was growing fairly quickly as other couples were added and some started having children. A few of the ladies in the class who sang in the choir invited me to join, and I did.

I know now that God meant for us to be at FBCIT. It was the church and those were the people God was going to use to woo me back to Himself. I sang in the choir. I went on the choir retreats. I listened to the sermons. I participated in the life group lessons. (Sounds a lot like the first 18 years of my life, doesn’t it)?

Photo Credit: Pinterest

God began convicting me during this time. I can’t tell you much of what He said or did though. For one thing, I don’t think I’d ever been convicted before – or maybe I just didn’t recognize God’s voice. For another, I’d gotten very good at ignoring anything that might be from God: ignoring it, rationalizing it, getting angry at it, whatever I needed to do, I did to avoid whatever He was doing or saying to reach me.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Then, one morning during life group, we had a substitute teacher. I have no idea what the lesson was about, but I will never forget this one thing he said: the most miserable person in the world is a Christian who isn’t living for God.

I almost burst into tears right there in the middle of that class with all those new friends.

That was ME!

He was talking TO me!

I WAS miserable!

I hadn’t known exactly what was going on, but I knew something was wrong. I hadn’t realized it until that very moment; I had become an expert at pushing it back for all those years. I had gotten good at doing church things and living like a Christian, but I wasn’t living for God at all.

Whoa! Talk about a turning point! I still had a very cold, hard heart of stone, and it would take a few more years to soften it completely, but this moment definitely got my attention.

He’s a ‘Hold On To You’ Kind of God – Repost

August 24, 2018August 24, 2018 / hhooks / 8 Comments

(Author’s Note: August means school is right around the corner, and the kids start 4th grade and kindergarten in a few days. Plus, I start a new job after Labor Day – will blog about that soon since I addressed it in an earlier post. So, I am taking a short break from writing new posts this month so I can focus on time with the kids and getting ready for the new job. In the meantime, I am reposting pieces of my testimony that were published when I started the blog in October 2017).

Once you belong to God, He keeps you, even if you don’t want to be kept. I’m thankful He doesn’t let His children go. (I know somebody just said ‘amen’ to that)!

Photo Credit: Pinterest

I’m sure there were many ways God held on to me when I decided to walk out on my own, but one way was by keeping me in church. The whole time this mess was going on, I never stopped going to church. Weird, right? I really don’t even believe in Jesus at this point, but I am sitting in church!? I know. I know.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

On the surface, the thing that kept me in church was my parents. I knew they expected me to go, so I went. From the time I was 18 and moved out of my parents’ house, I found a church to attend in the difference places I lived. That was God keeping me. That wasn’t me. Now, I’m not saying that I went every Sunday, and I certainly wasn’t involved in the activities at the church like I was when I was young, but I still went. That’s one of the major things that kept me from totally going into oblivion. That, and God had a Christian husband in store for me, but I didn’t know that yet.

I’d known who Bill was since high school although we’d never spoken to each other that we can remember. But, we were in a group of friends who were hanging out while some of us were home on break over the Christmas holiday in 2000. Over those weeks of break, he and I met and started dating. That was 18 years ago, but God had Bill planned for me when He separated the dry land from the water and said it was good.

Bill grew up in a close-knit, Southern family just like I did. He was raised in church (the same church where his mom went as a girl with her family). He spent summer days running through the woods with his cousins, and he spent many a meal with his feet under the table at his grandmother’s house. It’s a little eerie how many similarities there are between his childhood and mine.

Memmie’s house (Bill’s grandmother)

But all those similarities don’t negate the most important reason: Bill believes in Jesus. God knew that I would need a Christian husband to hold my hand and help lead me back to Him, so He sent me Bill.

Bill and me – 2014

Bill and I met in December 2000. We got engaged in July 2003 and were married in June 2004. During the 3 years of our courtship, I don’t recall telling him a lot about my worldview although we did talk about it a few times before and after we got married. More recently, he told me those conversations scared him and that he prayed that I’d go back to my faith for the sake of our family.

Thankfully, God was working in my life to reconcile me to Himself.

It took a while.

He let me walk out on my own for a long time.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

In Psalm 81:11-12, God says, “But My people did not listen to My voice: and Israel did not obey Me. So, I gave them over to the stubbornness of their heart, to walk in their own devices.”

This verse makes me shiver; it is as if God were speaking specifically about me here because this is exactly what He let me do. He gave me over because that was what I wanted. He knew His child well enough to know that I had to learn the hard way, so to speak.

I was going to have to walk away to get back to Him.

In a recent Bible study, I heard Elizabeth Poplin explain why God gives His children over to their own devices. She said, “That’s what God does. We think we’ll get freedom out there, so we leave and taste it, but it doesn’t free us. He does. So we go back. We have some of the world in us when we come back. He will clean us up”.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

And He’s kept us the whole time. He’s just waiting for us to get our fill of whatever it was we thought we wanted more than Him. He’s been watching. He’s been working. He’s been waiting – like the father in the famous parable of the prodigal son. God waited for me to look His way, and as soon as I did, He came running!

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Hallelujah!

Please share your stories of how God held you!

Those “What If” Moments (Repost)

August 17, 2018August 16, 2018 / hhooks / 6 Comments

(Author’s Note: August means school is right around the corner, and the kids start 4th grade and kindergarten in a few weeks. Plus, I start a new job after Labor Day – will blog about that soon since I addressed it in an earlier post. So, I am taking a short break from writing new posts this month so I can focus on time with the kids and getting ready for the new job.

When you look back over your life, and see how things are coming together, and understand how one decision in one moment created a mistake that changed things and brought you to where you currently stand, do you wish you could go back to your 18-year-old or 25-year-old self and warn yourself not to do it? Sometimes I do.

Then, I realize that our lives were set in motion long before we were even being put together in our mothers’ wombs. What we did we were probably going to do no matter what, so it is a waste of time to wish you could change it. The best we can do is to ask God to show us what He wanted us to learn from what we did and how He wants us to glorify His name through that experience… and then move on – as the person He intended for us to be as a result.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

But, there are times when I still can’t help but think, “What if?” What if I hadn’t taken that Introduction to Religion course? What if, when I began having doubts, I’d prayed for God to show me the truth? What if I had opened the Bible to see what God had to say?

What if, a few semesters after the Introduction to Religion course, I hadn’t taken that Survey of Asian Religions course? This was another elective, and I chose it so I could have a class with the guy I was dating at the time. Turned out to be an extremely stupid thing to do for many reasons, one of which was the fact that we broke up early in the semester, so I had to sit through the other 3 ½ months of the semester in a classroom with him!

This class covered Buddhism and Hinduism and other minor Asian religions. What I saw were a few similarities between these religions and Christianity: how to treat others and how to live, for example. It seemed everyone had a variation on the Golden Rule. There were also a myriad of creation and flood stories. All this information and these perceived similarities burst through a door in my mind, further muddling and blurring what was true about Jesus. Things started mixing up. I continued to hear that Intro to Religion teacher explain that religion was what man created as he tried to figure out how he got here and what he as supposed to do.

All this jumbled together. I didn’t take captive any thoughts. I didn’t guard my heart. I didn’t pray and ask God to show me the truth. I didn’t talk to any trusted Christians. I just jumped head first into this…hole.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

I remember thinking, “Everybody’s just trying to figure out the meaning of life!” That led me to conclude that everyone was right; all religions and belief systems were valid. Everyone just created their own realities – little ‘t’ truths. What is right for me and works for me isn’t necessarily right for you. This led me to another conclusion: How can I tell someone of a different belief system that he or she is wrong?

Ugh! I hate talking about this! I feel so silly. Why didn’t I guard my heart? Why didn’t I take captive those thoughts? Why did this happen to me so easily? Why didn’t I give God a chance to straighten me out?

By the end of my four years in college, I had developed a tolerant, open worldview. I know a name for it now: relativism. You do your own thing, have your own beliefs, and you’re right. I will do my thing and have my own beliefs, and I’m right, too. I picked off the buffet of world beliefs and created my own worldview that suited me and the way I wanted to live my life. It was “I won’t mess with you and tell you that you’re wrong, and you won’t mess with me and tell me I’m wrong. We’ll all just get along”! It was very nice and non-abrasive. There isn’t much to argue about or stand up for with this worldview.

What can I say? It seems like total craziness when I write it now, but that is where my mind was, and I was totally happy with it.

The problem with this type of thought process is that there isn’t any room for Jesus to be a real man, much less the Son of God. I never thought of that when all this mess started, and by the time I had arrived at my own worldview, He didn’t fit in anymore. If everyone’s reality is right for them, then Jesus isn’t who He said He was. He wasn’t born. He didn’t walk among us. He did not turn water to wine or heal people. Most importantly, He didn’t die for me, walk out of the grave, or ascend back to heaven. He isn’t alive and loving us today.

All the truth about Jesus and who He was got gobbled up by the worldview I created for myself. There was no room for Him. Before I knew it, He was gone.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

That’s scary, isn’t it? It is scary on this side of that experience, now that I have been reconciled back to the Lord. But I wasn’t scared at the time. I didn’t realize the seriousness of my situation. I didn’t realize that I had turned my back on God. It just happened. I was just living in it. And, I thought I had been so smart to figure it all out.

When It All Changed (Repost)

August 10, 2018August 10, 2018 / hhooks / 9 Comments

Have you ever been walking along through your life, happy in your own little bubble of comfort and familiarity, when all of a sudden – BAM – the bubble bursts, and you realize not everybody is like you? Yep! That’s exactly how I felt when I was 18 years old, and I stepped onto the campus of the University of North Carolina at Wilmington (UNCW).

UNCW

The first 18 years of my life were fairly structured and sheltered. I had a simple childhood. Most of the people around me had grown up in a similar way. Most of my friends were from middle-class, southern, Christian families, too.

My family went to church regularly, and I was saved sometime around 12-years-old. To add to that, my parents were fairly strict, so I stayed out of trouble in high school. I grew up in a small town anyway. Everybody knew my parents and me, so it would have been challenging to get away with very much. I was what you’d call a ‘good girl’, for the most part, but it wasn’t necessarily because I was convicted as a result of my relationship with God and wanted to bring Him glory. It was mostly to avoid being grounded and having my car taken away. 🙂

But, when my parents cut me loose on the campus of UNCW in August of 1997, I took full advantage of the 150 miles between my hometown and the exciting new place to which I had moved. I had my wild streak and made up for the lost time in high school.

(It is noteworthy to mention that, although they were a two-and-a-half-hours drive away from me, my parents and my upbringing still held pretty strong sway over much of my behavior. I did what I wanted to an extent, but I still held it in check. That distance didn’t mean they had no influence or power over me at all. I didn’t want them to make me come home, so I took my rear end to class and made decent grades).

Although I got to exercise my freedom and experience some of the things my parents warned me about, the thing that was damaged most by my choices was my faith…and I didn’t even realize it was happening.

During my first semester as a college freshman, I took an elective called Introduction to Religion. It was a survey of religion as a whole – more of a philosophical look at the institution of religion, if I remember correctly. I have no idea why I took it though; I must have needed an elective, and it fit into my schedule.

I distinctly remember a lecture early in the semester when the teacher said that religion was man’s creation. He explained that man-made religion was a way to answer life’s big questions: Why am I here? How did I get here? What happens when I die?

Those words stand out to me even now. That was a pivotal moment for me. I should have followed Paul’s warning to the Corinthian Christians in 2 Corinthians 10:5…”take captive every thought to obey Christ.” But I didn’t do that. I highly doubt I even knew that was a thing.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Instead, I remember thinking that my eyes were being opened. I was excited! I felt enlightened! I felt as though I were figuring out some mystery all by myself. This was an epiphany – an important revelation to which I was privy. I thought, “Everyone is just trying to figure out life and make it in this world! We just do it differently.”

Photo Credit: Pinterest

This enticed me further onto a path that I happily walked down. I was willing. I was discovering. I was eager to uncover more of this new reality about which I was learning. I didn’t see it at the time, but these patterns of thought were what led me to completely turn my back on Jesus and spend more than 10 years walking out on my own. I thought I was liberated. I thought I was so modern. But I was heading toward a dangerous place, a place God doesn’t intend for His children to go.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Portrait of a Servant Girl – Carol’s Story – Part 3

July 13, 2018July 12, 2018 / hhooks / 1 Comment

This week’s post is a continuation of Carol’s story in the Portrait of a Servant Girl series.

“I didn’t question God about the cancer,” Carol repeated at another point during our interview. “But there was a time, years later, that I got very angry with Him. I remember being on my knees crying out to Him, ‘Is this what I get for being good? I’ve lived my life for you!’” She stopped for a moment and took a deep breath.

“I was so broken,” she continued. “I asked God, ‘Why would you do this to me? You just don’t know how broken and rejected I feel!’”

She stopped again, and I could see her shoulders relax. “After I said that to Him,” she went on, “there was a calm that came over me, and I got quiet. I felt Him put His hand on my shoulder, and He reminded me of what He went through. He said to me, ‘I understand. I was rejected, too.’”

There was another pause.

“After that, I still suffered from the rejection, but I did not complain,” she finished, matter-of-factly.

Thirty years prior to this encounter with God, in the mid 70’s, Carol had survived Stage IV colon cancer that metastasized to her lymph nodes. Now, her world was falling apart again. Her husband of 33 years no longer wanted to be married to her.

“This certainly wasn’t the life I planned,” Carol said earnestly. “My future looked hopeless. But then I had the encounter with God when He reminded me that He’d been kicked and spat on. That only one of His disciples stayed with Him until the end. From that day on, my healing began.”

Carol commented that the divorce was worse than cancer. When I asked her why, she explained that she had control of how she handled cancer, but she couldn’t control the rejection by her husband. That was something she never thought would happen.

“Like the cancer, the divorce brought me even closer to God.” She explained. “He used the circumstances to grow my faith in Him.”

Photo Credits: #GODisHOPE

If you’ve never experienced God’s provision during a storm in your life, this probably sounds insane – that you can grow closer to God during adversity. Of course, it can go the other way easily. You can get angry at God because He’s allowed the storm, and you pull away from Him.

Or, you could turn towards Him, even run to Him, and fall into His arms like Carol did.

“When I was going through my divorce and long afterwards as I continued to suffer, I received encouragement from reading the Bible. Many, many times God spoke to me through His Word and provided wisdom or the answer I needed in a particular situation,” Carol told me.

“Could you give me an example of something specific God said to you through His word that helped you in some way?” I asked.

She thought a moment, then said, “when someone hurts you, human nature is to hurt that person back. We think revenge will make us feel better. But, God reminded me many times that it wasn’t up to me to exact revenge. Romans 12:19 assures us that revenge is God’s task.”

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“What else did you learn?”

“Well, God taught me that a living prayer relationship with Him comes when we dare to level with Him. When we dare to be honest with Him about how we feel…like when I complained to Him that He didn’t understand my brokenness and rejection. When I got honest, He spoke clearly to me. I wasn’t making small talk anymore. I wasn’t pretending that my life was perfect anymore. I was on my knees with tears streaming down my face. He came in and comforted me. This moved my relationship with God to a much deeper level.”

God also used Carol and her story to reach other people. After the divorce, the Associate Pastor at Carol’s church in Wilmington, North Carolina approached her about sharing the adversity in her life with the church.

“She said, ‘People look at you and think you have no cares in the world,’ and she asked me to share my testimony as part of a worship service.” Carol paused, and a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

“I was never one to speak in front of others. I liked to organize and work behind the scenes,” she explained. “I really didn’t want to do what she asked me to do.”

“What made you change your mind?” I asked.

“I had so much faith and trust in the pastor who asked me. I knew the Holy Spirit worked in her, and I knew that whatever she asked was from God. I just couldn’t say no.”

Services at Carol’s church were televised, so after she spoke, the church began receiving requests for her to speak at other events. This led to years of travel around the southeastern United States sharing her story at women’s events.

“When you are sharing your story, and God allows you to see that other people receive help from it, you’re healed as well. This is another way God supported me during this time.”

Carol stopped for a moment then continued, “plus I was driving a lot, so there was lots of time to pray, and talk to God, and listen.”

Then, she shrugged and added, “What good would the bad things be if you didn’t share them with others so you could help them, too?”

Please join me next week for the conclusion of Carol’s story.

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little things/BIG THINGS

March 16, 2018March 15, 2018 / hhooks / 3 Comments

What are some “little things” people have done for you that ended up making a big impact in your life? It could have been something your parents did when you were a child or a teacher did when you were in school. It might be something a co-worker or a neighbor or a complete stranger did. It doesn’t matter who did it; it just matters that it was something relatively small: it didn’t cost much money or take up a lot of time or warrant a great deal of planning. It was just something… little.

Have you ever done something fairly minuscule for someone else and found out in the end that it had become a significant occurrence in that person’s day, week, year, or entire life?!

Photo Credit: Pinterest

When we are the giver of the small thing, we don’t always get to see its influence; we may never know how or if it meant anything to that person at all…and that can be frustrating.

When my son Ethan started preschool, I began putting notes in his lunch box. When he was too young to read, I drew pictures or wrote simple things he could figure out on his own.

I might write “You are my” and draw a picture of a sunshine or write “I Love You” Photo Credit: Pinterest

As he got older and learned to read, I would write messages to inspire him or remind him that he was loved. I might write, “Ethan, remember that you are a child of the King,” or “Remember to smile at someone today,” or “You are my #1 boy.”

At some point, we realized he liked jokes, so I pinned a bunch of jokes onto a Pinterest board and would include one of those on occasion. (Currently, about 95% of his notes are jokes). Sometimes, I write the note to Ethan but prompt him to tell the joke to someone else – another kid in his class or even his teacher. On the front of the paper, I might write, “Ethan, ask Nathan if he knows how bees get to school?” Then, on the back, I write the answer: On the school buzzzzz.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Every once in a while, I’d ask him about the message or the joke on the note. Many times, he’d say he didn’t remember. Occasionally, he’d admit that he hadn’t even looked at it. 😦

I was getting fed up, honestly. It wasn’t that it took a long time to write the note (and if I was smart, I would have written it the night before, but I’m not that smart), but it was another task to check off the list as I was ushering the kids toward the door each morning with book bags in tow. To be met each afternoon with “I don’t know” or “I didn’t look at it” when I asked about the note was just too much.

After a while, I made up my mind that I was going to stop doing it. If he didn’t care enough to read it, I certainly wasn’t going to waste the 5 minutes or less it took me to do it each morning. I could devote that time to more yelling about putting on shoes and finding coats 🙂

Then I went to school and ate lunch with him one day.

I was NOT expecting what happened the moment he sat down and unzipped his lunch box. Immediately, several hands shot across the table attempting to be the first to snatch the little blue Post-it note from the jumble of plastic food containers.

I watched in awe as first one friend and then another read the joke and passed it down. Kids all over the table were asking to read the joke! (I have found out since then that his 1st grade teacher will still stop by the table and ask to read the joke if she is in the cafeteria when his third grade class comes in)!

I was flabbergasted! My eyes teared up! Here, I thought that he didn’t care about the note! I was going to stop writing one! However, it seemed to be a big deal for his classmates and for him. Plus, it put a HUGE grin on his face! I looked over at him as the joke was being passed around; kids were reading it aloud, snickering, and passing it onto the next person asking to read it, and he was beaming! His smile was so big that his cheeks had squished his eyes into slits (although it isn’t hard for his cheeks to squish his eyes when he smiles. He has my smile, bless his heart, and even a very small smile renders our eyes almost nonexistent).

In that moment, I decided that I would write a joke for his lunch box every day if I accomplished nothing else.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

I was blessed to see the fruit of this small gesture – how it impacted my son and his classmates. Now, there is no way I’ll stop doing it…well, that isn’t true. He may ask me to stop when he gets older and becomes embarrassed about such things, and I guess then I’ll do what he wants, but until then, I am writing the note!

Every once in a while, I still slip in a little inspirational message. I figure I’ll get one or two kids before they figure out it isn’t a joke. And maybe that first kid who snatches the note and reads even something so simple as, “Jesus Loves YOU” will be affected by that – maybe not in that moment but someday, somehow.

What is something small someone has done for you? Have you told that person how much you appreciate the gesture, the gift, the kind words? Do it! It will only take a moment, but it is so pleasant to know that what you’re doing matters.

What is something small you do for someone else? Does it seem that your efforts don’t matter? Do you think about throwing up your hands in defeat? Reconsider! You may never know the impact that small something is having on the recipient or even a bystander, but keep it up.

Most of the time the blessing of giving falls more on the giver anyway.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Portrait of a Servant Girl – Meggan’s Story Part 2

February 23, 2018April 18, 2018 / hhooks / 3 Comments

“And that’s how you have three kids in a year and a half!” Meggan grinned and slapped the table with the palm of her hand. “I didn’t do it gracefully, but boy did I learn, AND I don’t argue with Him anymore,” she emphasized. “We are still a work in progress,” she continued. “It is as imperfect as imperfect can be.”

The year and a half Meggan was referring to was from roughly December 2012 to March 2014. During this time, she and Dane would adopt two daughters from Uganda, endure two miscarriages, and give birth to a biological daughter.

Consequently, it was also during this time that Meggan told God no when He clearly told her what He had for her to do.

“I literally stomped my foot and said no!” She declared. It happened as they were in the midst of adopting their first daughter, Faith…but let’s back up a bit more first.

In October 2011, Dane and Meggan decided – next year, it’s baby time!

“We didn’t care if it was biological, through adoption, or both. Dane’s mom was adopted, so it was always in the plan for us to adopt anyway, especially once we got into missions,” Meggan explained.

While on one such mission trip to Uganda in January 2012, the couple realized that God had international adoption planned for them.

“We came together immediately on this,” Meggan reported.

Through friends, the found out about the HOPE Center, an orphanage in Uganda run by an American family.

“We started talking to Angie online, and that’s how we found Faith Hope – a newborn who was at the HOPE. Center and needed a family. We knew she was our daughter, so we began the process of getting everything together,” Meggan relayed the events to me. You see, Dane and Meggan’s last name is Love, so Faith’s name would be Faith Hope Love! (She even has her own Bible verse). It was immediately obvious to the couple that they were meant to adopt Faith.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

It was May 2012, and as they were making this decision, Meggan also had a positive pregnancy test. They happily thought, ‘We’ll have two babies at one time!’

However, Meggan had a miscarriage within two weeks; the doctors called this a “chemical pregnancy.”

Shortly before leaving for Uganda to bring home Faith late in 2012, Meggan and Dane again found out they were pregnant. They had an ultrasound and saw the baby and a strong heartbeat. Again, they had hope that they would adopt AND have a biological baby. They were exhilarated.

At this time, Angie also showed them a picture of another girl named Joyce.

“Angie wanted us to adopt Joyce, too! But she told us Joyce was 5, and I could tell by her picture that she was older than 5!” Meggan said. “I told her I would pray about it, but I didn’t. Then, I told her no,” Meggan admitted.

This made it a bit difficult when they arrived at the HOPE Center in Uganda. Angie continued to try to persuade them to adopt Joyce as well. “I kept thinking, ‘I’ve never been a mom before! I’m about to take home an infant and then have another shortly after! That’s all I can handle right now…’ So, I kept saying no,” Meggan shrugged her shoulder.

The day Meggan and Dane saw Faith for the first time, they were also introduced to Joyce. “The moment I saw her, God told me she was going to be our daughter. But I was still defiant. I stomped my foot and said no!”

Everything was going as smoothly as it could with the adoption processor Faith, and Dane and Meggan were looking forward to going home soon with their daughter when Meggan went into preterm labor and suffered another miscarriage.

“It was devastating,” Meggan said flatly. “Here I thought I’d show up at the airport with Faith AND a baby bump, but that wasn’t going to happen.”

And there was still the prodding to adopt Joyce as well.

‘It’s funny,” Meggan paused. “I was saying no and stomping my foot and all that, but I knew Joyce was going to be our daughter, too.”

After experiencing the miscarriage, they almost decided in Uganda to adopt Joyce at the same time they adopted Faith, but the Lord convicted Meggan. “He told me, ‘you did not pray about this. This is emotional. It’s quick. You didn’t seek wise counsel.’ Dane was frustrated; he was ready to take Joyce home, too, but I said no. I wanted to go home with Faith. I needed to heal physically and emotionally from the miscarriage,” she said, her eyes on the table.

So, they finished the process to adopt Faith, got on the plane, and came home. It was December 1, 2012, and Faith was their first daughter.

Dane and Meggan with Faith Hope Love!!! (Image used courtesy of Meggan Love)

Just a month later, January 2013, Dane and Meggan found themselves cleaning out a room in their home they’d previously used as an office. “Let’s just go ahead and say what we’re doing this for,” Dane challenged Meggan. It was as if he were reading her mind. “We’re turning this into a room for Joyce.”

“This is for a Joyce,” Meggan agreed without hesitation. By this point, they’d prayed about another adoption. They’d spoken with wise, godly friends. And they knew it was time to move forward to bring Joyce home.

Two weeks later, they found out they were pregnant.

At the end of June the same year, the couple set off again for Uganda.

However, this trip was much different. From the moment they got out of their car at the airport, everything went wrong:

The departure time for the first leg of their flight, Charlotte to Chicago, was bumped up, and they only have 30 minutes to get to the terminal.
During the flight, the pilot came over the intercom and told them they were nearly out of fuel and would be diverted to Detroit to refuel.
When they finally got into Chicago air space, they had to circle from 30 minutes before they could land.
They missed their connecting flight.
During the extended layover in Chicago, they got into a cab with an Egyptian driver. They told him their story as they drove around. “I hope you don’t end up with a layover in Egypt since with the revolt going on,” he warned.
Their new flight plan took them to Egypt. During the layover, airport staff asked if they’d like to secure temporary visas so they could sight-see. “I would have loved to see some pyramids,” Meggan admitted, “but we told them no thanks.”
They eventually got to Uganda, but their checked luggage didn’t. They were without it for 2 weeks. (Remember, Meggan was pregnant…she had packed lots of snacks in her checked luggage).
Once they got to the HOPE Center, they learned that their first court date had been pushed back a week. No one had told them.

Things didn’t improve once the process finally got started. Nothing went as planned. Meetings didn’t happen when they were scheduled. Paperwork was not ready on time. There was one misstep, rescheduled meeting, and late form after another.

“I finally gave up,” Meggan threw her hands up in the air, a look of defeat on her face as she remembered the circumvention they endured. “I told God, ‘This isn’t going according to my plan! All my organization and planning is out the window. I.Am.Done’!”

Then, Dane had to go home.

He’d been there 3 weeks and used all the vacation he had.

“I was there another 4 and a half weeks by myself,” Meggan told me. “I was also in my third trimester of pregnancy. In Uganda by myself. Trying to finish everything and get Joyce and go home.”

Meggan and Joyce in Uganda (Image used courtesy of Meggan Love)

Trying to complete the adoption process was…in a word, arduous. At what was to be the last meeting – the exit interview with the U.S. Embassy – Meggan was questioned by the consulate. She was completely honest – even about the misinformation uncovered in Joyce’s file.

When it came time for Joyce’s parents to go before the Embassy consulate, they were not truthful. Their story contradicted Meggan’s. Somehow, they thought they were being helpful.

In the end, the adoption was denied since the information on both sides was incongruent.

“They told me that Joyce wasn’t going to be leaving with me. They denied her visa.” Meggan said somberly. Her shoulder slumped. She was there again, standing in that room with the consulate.

“I ugly-cried,” she looked straight at me, her eyes glistening. “In front of everybody in the Embassy. I was 7 months pregnant. I was worried about the baby because my emotions were all over the place. I was by myself. The trip had been hectic to begin with, and then they denied Joyce’s visa! I left that place bawling my eyes out. I asked God what in the world was going on! ‘I’m doing what you want and you’re still making me wait!’ I told Him. I was totally distraught,” she declared.

“I had to leave Joyce,” Meggan’s face was flat. “I tried to tell her that we’d come back for her, but she didn’t understand.”

It was late in the summer of 2013 as Meggan got back on a plane and came home. This time, she had a baby bump but no daughter.

Photo Credits: Pinterest

Meggan’s story concludes next week. God’s still working, so please join us again next week.

Portrait of a Servant Girl – Meggan’s Story – Part 1

February 15, 2018March 10, 2021 / hhooks / 2 Comments

Author’s Note: All my sisters in Christ are Servant Girls, and we’ve all been given God’s stories to tell. I’m grateful to be able to write to you over the next couple of weeks about Meggan and her story. We met over breakfast and talked about 2 1/2 hours about how she met Jesus, how He changed her when she gave Him her heart, and how He is working in her family right now. It is my pleasure to introduce you to Meggan Love…

Where is God in the mundane? Where is He in tragedy? Where is He when you can’t decide whether to go down this road or that one? Simply put, He’s right where He’s always been – going before you, making a way for you. All you really have to do is whatever He says.

God began speaking to Meggan through her pastor at the church she attended with her parents when she was 6 years old. At the end of the sermon, the pastor asked for people to raise their hands if they wanted to accept Jesus into their hearts. For 6 months he asked, and for 6 months, Meggan raised her hand. Every time, her parents told her to put down her hand. They didn’t think she realized what the pastor was asking.

Finally, Meggan’s mom and dad asked if she really wanted to do what the preacher had asked, and she told them yes! He’d asked if she wanted Jesus in her heart, and she did! Appeased, her parents took her to talk with their pastor. Afterwards, 6 year old Meggan asked Jesus to come into her life, and she was baptized.

Meggan, age 6, about the time she received God’s salvation and was baptized. Image used courtesy of Meggan Love.

“It was childlike faith,” she told me, her tone matter-of-fact. “Obviously, I didn’t understand all the theology and eschatology, and all of that other stuff,” she smiled, gesturing in circles over her heard. “But, I knew He died for me, and He rose for me, and I wanted to go to heaven and be with Him.”

What drew Meggan to God, even as a 6 year old, was the overwhelming feeling of love. “He loved me enough to die for me,” Meggan emphasized. “I was very young, but I understood that important truth and that made me want to live for Him and serve Him.”

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Even though Meggan was a small child when she made this decision, she distinctly remembers the change that occurred in her once she received the Holy Spirit. “Before I had the Holy Spirit, I was very selfish,” she confessed. “It was all about me, me, me! But once I gave my heart to Christ, I began experiencing strong conviction from the Holy Spirit. I’ve never been afraid to speak my mind,” she told me with a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth, “but having the Holy Spirit gave me confidence to speak up for Christ. For example, “she said, sitting up straighter at the table, “when I was in the 4th grade, I had a classmate who was Muslim. One day, he told me that he hated Jesus. ‘I don’t know why,’ I said back to him, ‘He loves you’!”

The Holy Spirit convicted Meggan to spend time studying the Bible, being alone with God and praying to Him. Peer pressure from friends was still a real struggle for her as was her desire to be selfish. She still made poor choices from time to time, as anyone would, but she was almost immediately convicted.

“I remember occasions where I would look at my friends and tell them that what we were considering doing was sin. That was because of the strength and power of the Holy Spirit living in me.”

In middle school, Meggan felt the tug on her heart to begin praying for her future husband! (This was actually something her parents had prayed for both Meggan and her brother years before. Her parents prayed that both their children would meet their spouses while they were young).

Photo Credit: Pinterest

“I had 3 requirements,” Meggan said.

“For what your husband would be like?” I clarified.

“Yes,” she nodded once. “I asked God to send me a husband who was Southern, Christian, and who could make me laugh,” she counted on her fingers as she listed. “I prayed for them in that order, too!” She pointed out, her eyes wide. “Not really sure why it was so important for him to be Southern, but that was always first on my list.”

“Does Dane make you laugh?” I asked, a knowing smile passing between us. (We were in Life Group at FBCIT with Meggan and Dane for about 5 years).

Meggan rolled her eyes but blushed a little. “Oh yeah! He does!” She said emphatically. “Every day! He makes me crazy, but he definitely makes me laugh.”

Meggan and Dane’s relationship began in the 8th grade; they were 13. “I knew early on that he’d be my husband,” she confided. “But knowing that at such a young age, and loving him the way I already did scared me! So, I broke up with him the summer before 9th grade,” she said firmly. “I just wasn’t ready for all that. But,” she continued with a quick shrug of her shoulders, “we got back together in the middle of 10th grade and have been together since.”

Dane and Meggan before the 10th grade winter formal – 2002. They had just begun dating again. Image used courtesy of Meggan Love.

Dane and Meggan at their high school graduation – 2004. Image used courtesy of Meggan Love.

Before they were married, Meggan was able to help lead Dane to Christ. Dane had been baptized, but he confessed to Meggan one day that altar calls made him uncomfortable. Meggan explained to him that the feeling of discomfort was God’s conviction. He wanted to draw Dane into a closer relationship. So, Dane and Meggan prayed together, and Dane asked God to be his Savior.

“Did Dane change after that?” I asked Meggan.

“Definitely,” she responded. “I saw him become much more passionate about Christ, for getting to know the Lord and learning about our faith. It actually spurred me into a deeper relationship, too.”

Wedding day – 2007. Image used courtesy of Meggan Love

Dane and Meggan were married in 2007. God has continued to work in their lives both individually and as a couple. For Meggan, that means God is still working to change her heart in the area of expectations of others. She admits that nothing is ever good enough for her.

“It’s always been part of my sin nature,” she revealed. “I remember it when I was little. I’d get presents for my birthday but wonder why I didn’t get more or why this one thing I wanted was left out.

As an adult, specifically as a mother, this presents itself in another way. “I’ll come home from work or running errands when Dane has been at home with the girls, and as soon as I hit the door, I start listing everything that’s wrong…breakfast dishes are still on the table, the kitchen is a mess, the clean clothes haven’t been put into the dryer…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “It isn’t enough that he fed them and kept them alive while I was gone! I never point out the things he has done; I just focus on what I think is lacking. That thing from when I was little, it’s still there. It’s part of my sin nature. It’s getting better though. I feel conviction to see the positives and ignore the negatives, or I am convicted to take a step back before it goes too far and apologize to the person and repent to God. It’s just a work in progress. The older I get, the more I realize that our faith grows as we grow. That’s how it’s supposed to be. We go through seasons. It’s a race to run all the way to the finish, and it’s a cross-country run rather than a sprint. We just have to continue to let Him change our hearts.”

Currently, Meggan’s in the motherhood season of her life; she is mommy to 4 precious little girls: Joyce, Faith, Renzori, and Delaney. This is the race she is running today.

When she sat down across the table from me, before we began our interview for this post, she sighed, “I don’t know, Heather…Servant Girl? I just don’t feel like I am one. I’m just mommy right now. I’m just sitting around nursing my baby.” She gestured over to then 4-month-old Delaney, snoozing quietly in her carrier.

But, I know that God has given everyone a story, and I already knew a little about Meggan’s. I knew you needed to read it so you could see God as He has revealed Himself to Meggan.

She can tell you that God will be with you at your lowest point. There may be a fleeting thought that He’s deserted you, but then you have those quiet moments, like when it’s 3 in the morning and you’re up changing diapers and nursing your newborn, and life “circles back” as Meggan put it, and you see what He was doing in the midst of your pain and suffering.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Now that she’s had time to look back, Meggan can see that God was with her even in that specific moment, about 5 years ago, when He clearly told her something to do, and she said no. “I literally stomped my foot, and said no!” She told me, shaking her head at her own audacity.

But God was still with her.

What did God ask of Meggan that caused such a defiant response? Join me back here next week for Part 2 of Meggan’s story, and I’ll tell you.

Servant Girl Stories

Writing the stories God gave me so others will know His love

Uncategorized

Fixing Me Was God’s Job (Repost)

The Time God Told Me to Leave My Full-Time Job (Repost)

The Most Miserable Person in the World (Repost)

He’s a ‘Hold On To You’ Kind of God – Repost

Those “What If” Moments (Repost)

When It All Changed (Repost)

Portrait of a Servant Girl – Carol’s Story – Part 3

little things/BIG THINGS

Portrait of a Servant Girl – Meggan’s Story Part 2

Portrait of a Servant Girl – Meggan’s Story – Part 1